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Synopsis:
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We all have them, but what happens when they get pushed is ours to decide.

1) Realize - ideal situation:
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Your mom won't nag you.


2) Review - the real-life situation:
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Whenever you assert yourself in your mother's presence she
feels you're being rude and tries to quiet you. Often she
gets flustered and walks away. You then feel the need to
stop what you're doing to calm her which results in you
getting upset, and occasionally angry.


3) Reveal - ideal vs. reality comparison:
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You're proud to be assertive, but get agitated by your
mother's resulting behavior.


4) Stress Release tactics - these will neutralize the effects:
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Response-ability: You can't change your mom, but you can change
your response to her behavior. How would you prefer to respond?
What would it take to respond that way?

Don't take anything personally: Nothing others do is because of
you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality.
When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you
won't be the victim of needless stress.
(Based on Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements)


5) Stress Reduction tactics - these will lessen the effects:
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Perspective: How important is this incident in your life?
Is it worth being aggravated about? How much worse could the
situation be? At least it's not that bad.

Understanding: Why does your mom behave this way? (Not sure?
Ask her, but don't be surprised if it takes a while to get to
the truth). Better yet, why do you react this way to her behavior?
(Again, the first answer is usually not the whole story.) Once
you've figured it out, try sharing the results with your mom.
By understanding the cause for each other's behavior it's more
possible to no longer see it as nagging.

Space: Either physical or mental distance from your mom will
provide a cushion to minimize exposure to her behavior and
it's effects. Taking a deep breath and counting to 10 is a
good way to use this time.

Sharing: Talking with other friends and family about how you are
feeling will often help diffuse the situation. It's important to
keep this a positive interaction and not a gripe-session which
tends to embitter the relationship.


6) Remind yourself:
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Aside from enjoying a life of lowered stress, you deserve
to recognize and reward yourself for taking the time and
putting in the effort to undo years of harm. Giving yourself
a reminder of what you've learned will help you maintain the
progress you've made. It's easy to skip this step, but that
makes the process less enjoyable, which is the antithesis of
what we're working towards.

What will be your reminder? Pick something that will stand
apart from the little things you give yourself to make this
experience more memorable.


7) Repeat as necessary:
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Releasing stress is an ongoing process that gets easier the
more it is applied. With each application of the Seven R's
deeper layers of stress will be revealed and released.


Broader discussion:
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Here is the three-step sequence most often taken when dealing
with "bothersome" people:

1. Avoid or cut out from your life - This throws out
the good times with the bad, is difficult to pull off, and
takes a lot of maintenance.

When that isn't desired or doesn't work ...

2. Try to change their behavior - Another person's behavior
is out of your control. You can (and should) voice your
feelings in a manner that will bring about understanding,
but there's no guarantee that they will change, and if so,
for how long.

When that doesn't work ...

3. Hold a grudge, complain, get angry, bitter, spiteful -
This is harmful mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Worst of all, we carry this with us long after the incident.
Check in with your ego to see who you're doing this.

Most people then cycle between #2 and #3 until figuring out
how to make #1 plausible. But there is a fourth option:

4. No longer see their behavior as "bothersome" - Yes,
it's possible and the results are completely in your hands.
PLUS this can be applied to multiple people and situations
with little or no extra effort!


General Stress Strategy:
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We all have buttons, but we can choose to re-program our reaction
with a more positive one. The next time you respond to something,
try changing your usual response.

- Someone gives you another work assignment?
   "What song would be playing in the movie soundtrack of your life?"
   (Then sing it!)

- Misplaced your keys?
   "What a great chance to get to know all my possessions over and over again!"

- Stubbed your toe?
   "Oh yeah, forgot about that little guy!"

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