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Synopsis:
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Each of us maintains beliefs that we aren't aware of. These
beliefs, however, play a large role in the way we function.
Many adults, it turns out, still believe in Santa Claus (or
at least the magic and generosity he's supposed to represent).
When the illusion is lifted and they find out the truth
people frequently feel disappointment and stress - worst of
all, they often don't know why.

1) Realize - your ideal situation:
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A) Get value for money.

B) Feel special & wise.

C) When someone offers you a deal that's too good to be true
it might actually be true.

(It took multiple attempts to identify the various ideals that
weren't being met)


2) Review - the real-life situation:
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After a long, hard, good day at work helping others and
coincidentally running into a friend on the street, you're
in a cheery mood and you happily provide directions for a
man in a mini-van.

He then mentions that he's just come from the Fashion Expo
at the Javits Convention Center and before going on his way
to the airport he would like to make a gift to you of a couple
of jackets, if you buy one at a fraction of the cost.

You noticed a few clues that pointed towards a possible
deception, but they were casually explained by the man or
justified in your mind.


3) Reveal - ideal vs. reality comparison:
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A) You over-paid for the items which upon further reflection
you've seen sold on the street at 1/2 the price. They now
serve as a reminder of the incident.

B) You're embarrassed having not lived up to your "special
& wise" self-view (and the con-artist doesn't think you are
either).

C) You were aware of many of the cues of a potential fraud,
but chose to keep believing anyway.


4) Release - your ideals that aren't benefiting you anymore:
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When you aren't able to live up to the highest standard of
your ideal, it is necessary to incorporate strategies that
will help you accept that you aren't always going to match
your peak expectations.

Now onto the specifics of the scenario...
A) Value for money - Still seems like a good ideal. You don't
like the idea of being wasteful or extravagant, but you
weren't able get "maximum value" this time.

Strategies:
  Acceptance: If you do what's reasonable to avoid being
  fooled, but you realize that it's extremely likely to happen
  at some point, why fight it? Better to laugh about it and
  move on.

  You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all
  of the people some of the time. This time was your turn.

  The Main Ingredient song "Everybody Plays The Fool" comes
  to mind.

   Everybody plays the fool, sometime
   There's no exception to the rule
   Listen, baby, it may be factual, may be cruel
   I ain't lyin', everybody plays the fool

It's up to you how long you want to feel sub-optimal.
I recommend just long enough to have the lesson sink in.

  Relativity: You weren't taken advantage of as much as
  others have been. You still have three jackets - two of
  which you actually like and one that could make a nice
  gift.

  Many people are often left with nothing after being conned.
  Various stock fraud cases come to mind (Enron, WorldCom,
  etc.). Even a recent article about a famous professor who
  gave perhaps $3 million over 10 years to Nigerians in a
  fraudulent e-mail campaign.


B) Feel special & wise - Generally leaves you positive and
uplifted. Looks like you're keeping this one too.

Strategies:
  Self-assurance: How you feel about yourself shouldn't be
  based on a single experience or outside opinion. If you
  open yourself up to that maelstrom be prepared for a bumpy
  ride of emotion. Over the million+ instances of your life,
  why let a 'bad' one define you?

  Humility: You're not as perfect as you thought - nor is
  there need to be. Your life is sprinkled with things you
  didn't do perfectly. You better be ok with those too.

Useful Variation on the Stop Stressing Out Slogan:
Life's more fun when you stop trying to be perfect.

C) When someone offers you a deal that's too good to be true
it might actually be true - This was a tough one to identify,
but it seems to be the best explanation for why you chose to
ignore the signs of deceit.

This is the ideal that keeps you looking at the positive in
situations. It's what let you believe in Santa Claus, in the
goodness of people, and good fortune. Is that something you
are ready to give up? It might be, but if not these might help.

Strategies:
  Experience: You've had other disappointments in the past and
  you've gotten over those (hopefully). They could range from
  realizing that people don't actually disappear when you
  cover your eyes in Hide & Go Seek, to Mom & Dad bringing the
  Christmas presents, to a relationship that didn't work out
  the way you'd planned.

  (n.b. You were aware of many clues pointing to a con. Chances
  are if things had gotten really out of balance or control,
  you would have put a halt to them.)

  Appreciation: It took a very good performance for you to be
  (or allow yourself to be) fooled. There's nothing wrong with
  applauding the refined skill of the con-artist. Perhaps you
  can write-off the cost as theater where the cash you handed
  over was the ticket price and the jackets were memorabilia
  of the performance. Better that than to hold a grudge and
  feel wretched every time you look at them.


5) Raise - the likelihood that future reality will match ideal:
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A) Get value for money.

Strategy:
  Negotiation: There's an art to getting a good deal. Many
  books have been written up on the subject of negotiating.
  Two of the basic premises are: have a price in mind when
  you approach a situation or if you get approached, and
  always be prepared to walk away from a deal.

B) Feel special & wise.

Strategies:
  Get Your Bearings: It's important to get non-biased bearings
  both on the overall course of your life as well as the
  shorter segments (broken into weeks, months, or years). This
  way you can make adjustments towards leading the life you
  desire. An easy way to do this is to keep a journal and then
  review it as necessary.

  If you generally find your actions to be in line with one who
  is "special & wise," good for you! If not, what could you do
  to help you get there?

  Lose the Grudge: Instead of feeling bitter at the reminder of
  the experience and wanting to throw away the jackets, use them
  as a reminder to help you recall the lessons you want to learn.
  Plus, they're nice jackets!


C) When someone offers you a deal that's too good to be true
- it might actually be true.

Strategy:
  Remember How Marketing Works: Marketers are primarily
  concerned with creating an image that's appealing to their
  target audience. The best tell a story that's consistent
  with their customers view of themselves and the world.
  Authentic stories succeed repeatedly, cons are a one-time
  shot (hopefully).

  (n.b. I highly recommend reading Seth Godin's books and blog
  for more about marketing - SethGodin.com)


6) Remind yourself:
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Aside from enjoying a life of lowered stress, you deserve
to recognize and reward yourself for taking the time and
putting in the effort to undo years of harm. Giving yourself
a reminder of what you've learned will help you maintain the
progress you've made. It's easy to skip this step, but that
makes the process less enjoyable, which is the antithesis of
what we're working towards.

What will be your reminder? Pick something that will stand
apart from the little things you give yourself to make this
experience more memorable.

7) Repeat as necessary:
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Releasing stress is an ongoing process that gets easier the
more it is applied. With each application of the Seven R's
deeper layers of stress will be revealed and released.

Broader discussion:
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To dream or not to dream?

Desiring a particular outcome is one thing. Feeling stress
and complaining that your actual reality doesn't match your
desired reality seems silly when you think about it, but
that's exactly what we choose to feel on a regular basis.

The stress doesn't occur just because we desire or dream of
something. We feel stress because of our attachment to the
desire in the present moment. In other words, desire (and
work towards) whatever you want, but be OK with what you get.


General Stress Strategy:
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Disappointment is tied to our level of expectation. The
greater the expectation, the greater the potential for
failure. If we have low expectations, our satisfaction
and enjoyment increase.

Don't expect much, and you're more likely to be satisfied.

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